Alone with myself / lofi hip hop mix

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👁Art by ilLUMI
00:00 fantompower - blankets
[ Chillhop Essentials Winter 2018 ]
02:52 mell-ø - deja vu
[ A Fall Journey Beattape ]
04:49 High Noon Rush - Kane
07:21 lilac - last train home together
09:10 Nohone - Breath
[ A Fall Journey Beattape ]
11:39 petunie - distant
13:38 tonnA - On The Phone
16:49 Philanthrope x Yasper - Slopes
[ Chillhop Essentials Winter 2018 ]
19:41 trakeemovich - lifes a bitch
21:35 redrose - i miss the way u played
23:16 Nerok - I'm Saying Goodbye
25:33 Jay-Lounge - Breath Of Fresh Air
28:29 Kupla X j'san - Raindrops
High Noon Rush
Philanthrope x Yasper
Kupla X j'san
⭕Record label's

☃️Chillhop Essentials Winter 2018
💿 [ A Fall Journey Beattape ]
A Fall Journey by @retrojungle is now available everywhere and on Vinyl !
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Publicado em


20 Dez 2018



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Comentários 80
Dreamy Anos atrás
Thanks for staying with me. I couldn't have done it without you. 65 patrons / 116 692 subscribers. Lots of hugs for everyone 🖤
Peter Peter
Peter Peter Dia atrás
How’s life
Ewan Cox
Ewan Cox 6 dias atrás
MF Cluch
MF Cluch 7 dias atrás
DasDoeiph 10 dias atrás
You do have patreon!? *nyooom* *subscribes hard* *feels good*
Ag sai
Ag sai 17 dias atrás
please , thank YOU !👏😍 this channel is like a heavenly gift
Violets Wilt At The EverGarden •
I’m surrounded by so many people and yet I feel so lonely. Like I actually crave attention from someone, someone special, but I don’t have anyone that is actually special to me.
Zsolt Nistor
Zsolt Nistor Hora atrás
I feel like the best way is to just do not give a fuck. No emotions = no suffer.
Denis Borcan
Denis Borcan 2 horas atrás
i get he's lonely and all that but god-damn dude, straighten up and go home! You'll get pneumonia.
Ice Collin
Ice Collin 3 horas atrás
I can't be the only one who had a mental break down after reading this comment section.
summayaHussein 8 horas atrás
lately everything has felt so off. i’m three months behind on school work and when i go back to school i’m probably gonna struggle alot. i guess you could say that the reason i’m so stressed and worried all the time was because of school but now..... now it just feels as though i’m worried over nothing. lately, i’ve been in this weird sorta mood where nothing ( and i mean nothing ) matters anymore and i just feel empty all the time. i’ll just stare at my wall for what feels like 5mins but is actually an hour and i don’t know whats going on. i’m known to be the lively and funny friend but i don’t feel so lively anymore. i just feel nothing. nothing makes me laugh as much as i used to do and all i’ve been doing is stressing over work but not rlly bringing myself to do it. on top of that i absolutely HATE myself with a burning passion. everything about me is disgusting. from my weight to my laugh. if you name one thing about me i’ll probably hate it. i remember watching movies at like 13 years old and the main character would always hate the way she looked or something and i would always think ‘if she hates herself whilst looking like the prettiest person ever i should absolutely despise myself’. that mentality only got worse and when my friends would bring up their insecurities like their nose i would immediately check to see if my nose is ugly and guess what.... it always was. it was a mental list of my flaws and it never seemed to end. now i’m 15 years old turning 16 and i fear for my future. i hate everything about myself and i wanna disappear. i don’t want to die because i’m terrified of the idea of death but i don’t want to live either. just disappear. if anybody’s reading this... what do you think happens when we die? do we just stay there to rot and become worm food? do we go to heaven/hell? are we already IN hell? it seems like it. i understand that some people have it so much worse but i can’t help but feel like this. i’m just so tired of it all. i’m tired of feeling empty. tired of having the need to starve myself in order to loose weight. tired of the amount of school work i have. tired of living in this household. tired of looking like this. having the need to change my personality for different people. looking at myself in the mirror and wanting to throw up ( yes i’m that mf ugly )..... i genuinely fear for my future... why? because i don’t see one.
Happy Cloud
Happy Cloud 12 horas atrás
Everything is just to fill until death. ~ Theodore Finch ✨
Parker Williams
Parker Williams 13 horas atrás
My dad has always told me that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” What if I’m the problem? What if my life is amazing, what if my family is wonderful, what if I’m the only thing hurting the people that I love? My permanence as a human being is the exact same permanence as that of my pain. We’re one in the same.
Parker Williams
Parker Williams 13 horas atrás
Life is this odd, inconsolable thing. It feels as though I’ve pushed away every opportunity to better myself, like I’m stuck spinning on a Ferris wheel, it’s either terrifying or slow and getting slower.
youmeantsomuch 13 horas atrás
delete adds come on
AC3 Freze
AC3 Freze 14 horas atrás
Sometimes I feel like I’m a hole in the world and as soon as people realize that I’m basically as useful as that hole they will fill me with someone or sum thing else
DJLuisGarciaMixShow 14 horas atrás
Can someone please tell me the name of the song that starts at 57:44 . Thank you.
Maju dp
Maju dp 15 horas atrás
hey, i’m here for you. you’re a human and it’s ok feel that way sometimes things will get better, i promise
Aaron LH
Aaron LH 17 horas atrás
It's a slow night - just like all of my other slow days. I'm not thinking too hard, the thoughts of how everything went wrong in my life come just as easily as grabbing a blanket when you're cold. I guess I have time to make things right, but I tried a million times over before now. Tell me you non existent entity I'm talking to, what would be different this time around? Live for the small things, isn't that our catchphrase?
het zij zo
het zij zo 20 horas atrás
thanks for calming me at least
Al_Salzo Dia atrás
I feel so bad checking all this comments. Hey, you! You not lonely. You can always think about me, simple girl from Russia, which want to make you smile. You'll be okay someday, I promise. Please, feel safe. You the only one who can change your life. Just keep it.
Genesis Lillian
Genesis Lillian Dia atrás
Imma just write my feelings here just cause ;-; Not long ago my friend told me he was leaving for the military. He was everything to me, My best friend, and to see him leave is so painful. But I’m proud of him, he would always tell me how much we wanted to serve and how many times he tried, so to see that he’s finally doing what he’s wanted to do for years is just great. I’m so fricking proud of him, I really am, but I’m also going to miss him. He was the only person I could really talk to and actually express myself to. What hurts is that I might actually not physically see him again. I live across the country from him, and after his years of service I’m probably going to school overseas. I really love him and I’m just going to cherish the time we had together cause that’s really the best I can do.
Annabella V
Annabella V Dia atrás
What kind of friend are you ? The kind of friend that walks in your life when the rest of the world walks out...
Kasandra Barron
Kasandra Barron Dia atrás
my life isnt 'bad' or hard or dificult but for some reason i cant find a place i can really feel at home or finally find the comfort ive been needing and i cant fit in no matter how hard i try and i just cant open up a lot
60 year old man looking for little kids
Well how are you going to fix it then?
Royal King
Royal King Dia atrás
Damn so I recently ran into a really big problem that I never thought I would run into. So to start I haven’t been in an intimate relationship in years and I’m being faced with finally getting the chance to get with the one girl that in my eyes is perfect in every kind of way, she is like the one ray of sunshine in the storm that is my life. But anyways I accidentally got drunk celebrating my graduation and spilled my heart out to this girl and found out that the feelings were the same but her saying that unexpectedly brought fear instead of joy and now I’m faced with the problem of, HOW DO I LOVE? I don’t know how to love, I don’t know if I’m capable of being able to be like any other guy would be in a relationship and that scares me to death. All of my life I’ve never really had anyone care or love me I’ve been alone and I myself just don’t know how to love so if any of you could please help me it would be greatly appreciated.
60 year old man looking for little kids
First dont drink alchohol, its bad for you, secondly if you had to rank them which one would you go for?, if its still the other girl, then ask if i say oh sorry i got really drunk i dont like that do you think its still possible to get with the other girl? If you dont know or think unsure for any questions go for what your heart tells you, just remember a relationship is like a gun its really stong and powerful but if it goes wrong it can shoot off and do a lot of self harm. You need to be sure that even if you were madly in love then you broke up or she cheated on you you wont get depressed or really sad.
Матвей Савич
is it really easier to be alone?>
Mike Wazowski
Mike Wazowski Dia atrás
Sometime the answer is yes, sometimes no.
Jason Ozuna
Jason Ozuna Dia atrás
Over the past months I have been loosing so much faith in love... Just feels like anyone just want a partner just to have a partner... this one girl approached me in tiktok and thought I was cute and funny. She sent me her snap and we just started talking from there. The problem with her, she doesn’t respond after an hour or 2 even when I see her log in and out. She told she likes me. Then what’s holding her from responding to me? Why does she lie? Why does she wanna waste my time and energy? Why does she even waste her time and energy for? I don’t get it anymore
the kid parzival
the kid parzival Dia atrás
I just found out the girl I love is cheating on me....
윤주원 Dia atrás
S̷̪̲̝̠͕͙̱̟͔͇͋̏̀̑͑̍̌͆̋̽H̶̢̧̭͔̹̞̣̲̿̿̌͗̽̀̃̾͊̐͜͜Ų̸̛̣͓̝͉̰͇̲̙̤̓͂̽̈́̿́̒͛͝Ţ̶̞̲̘̜͍̯͇̜̪͋͛̉̏̓̅̆̀̂̋ ̴̨̢̛̦͙̻͔̳͉̖̬́͋͆͂̐̋̈̓̚T̴̨̫̭̠͔̬͇͔̟̬͐̋͛̈́͒̐͛̎̊̉H̷̛̜̰̠̻͔̯̻̪̘̙̑̀̍̎͂̈́͆́̍Ẽ̵̡̨̙͎͓̰̦͔̼̰̓̅̆͋̑͗̾̍̈́ ̸̨̠̙͎̱͔̱̲̬̩͊͛́̑̄̿̈̊̚͝F̴̢̡̧̨̜̼̟̫̬̮̅̽̆̄̿̊̋̏̃͠U̷̧̺͖̖͔̗̺̞͍̜͂̎̈́̍̈͂͂̊̅̾C̸͎͇̙͎̙̣̺̲̩̈̃͊̐̇̾̊̓͊͝ͅḰ̴̡̧̢̧̟̱̯̙̣̳̃͒́̆̎̓͘̚͠ ̶̖͔̲̳͙̥̯̯̞̠̂̾̆̏͊̉͒́̚͝U̵̡̯̲͕̯̙̙̯̙͈̒̈́̄̋͋̾̔͆͌͝P̶͇͍͙̥͈̯͗͛͒̄͌́̐͗́̀ͅͅͅͅ
陈佳 Dia atrás
11:40 to 13:35 who knows how to cut this part and convert to mp3?
US!Chara Dreemurr
I will leave my thoughts here and maybe get an answer, one day. ^^ Is it... Weird to like staying alone, staying in that state of loneliness? Wanting to be alone and removing your friend one by one? Pushing people away? Or even just wanting to disappear? Sometimes I feel like that, sometimes yeah. If you read this far, well thanks and you're awesome, don't forget that. ❤️
US!Chara Dreemurr
US!Chara Dreemurr 10 horas atrás
@je I think I feel the same. Thanks for sharing your point of view :D
US!Chara Dreemurr
US!Chara Dreemurr 10 horas atrás
@60 year old man looking for little kids Hmm... I feel happier alone with my thoughts, in my bubble but after a long period of time I can't handle it and I need to talk to someone. And there is time where I just make myself unhappy. Oh and thanks for the reply! ^^
je 23 horas atrás
It is not weird to like being alone. I like being alone. Once you begin to like being alone, you might not want to deal with other people anymore.
60 year old man looking for little kids
Well are you happier or unhappier when your alone? If youre happier then good some people just are introverts, if unhappier then thats on you and your doing that to yourself
Cléy Dia atrás
I am a Musician, University Student, I got a full time job and am also very introverted...Honestly quarantine is the best time of my life...thinking it's selfish to not want this to end...
Mike Wazowski
Mike Wazowski Dia atrás
I would want it to last forever. The only problem is that there is somebody I want to be with who doesn't know I love
lizi girl
lizi girl 2 dias atrás
i don't have a lot of friends to have fun and i have to kind of like entertain myself...with thinking of suicide....and i don't like it
je 23 horas atrás
Sad to hear that. I mean I don't have a lot of friends and I just wanted to say that you should do things that you like, do things that makes you happy. And keep hoping that something good will happen.
Mike Wazowski
Mike Wazowski Dia atrás
Just to help. I was schearching a way with no pain and I got the idea to put a plastic bag on my head so I couldnt breath
Young and Free
Young and Free 2 dias atrás
Listening to this everytime when Im ALONE WITH MYSELF
Jessica Stein
Jessica Stein 2 dias atrás
Hello, here's my story and a piece of 20 year old wisdom. I have felt alone for the longest time because I have been living a lie. Most people don't realize that not being yourself because you think no one will ever accept you is more isolating and damaging than actual solitude. For years I have shared a dinner table with a family that doesn't know the first thing about me, smiled and said I was okay, and ultimately betrayed my own beliefs at every turn--acting straight when I'm bi, identifying as nonbinary and not lifting a hand to fight my mother stuffing me into a corset, dress, heels, and full makeup on my brother's wedding day, even if it crushed my soul to endure her quipping at me to be feminine, and finally, pretending to believe in catholicism when I am atheist. Even going to therapy and getting help for my depression/anxiety was something that had to be kept a secret between me and my mother, to not upset the status quo. I've been marginalized for everything I do and stand for, accepted as only a glimpse or decoration in family photos, and in the past, it has made me suicidal. Today, I looked up this music because I am done. I just told my family 2 hours ago that I am atheist after they forced me to watch mass again (quarantine and all). Huge fight, as expected, but the house is quiet now. I feel disconnected from everyone because I literally just cut the biggest cord in family ties and rejected an entire culture. And it honestly feels...liberating. I may be alone and shunned by my family, but their conditional love wasn't worth it. _I'm_ worth it. I have myself, my therapist, and every now and then I have communities like this that I can come to, and that is more than enough for now. The rest will come later. I'm confident in that.
60 year old man looking for little kids
@Jessica Stein yeah honestly, in my eyes your going towards the best direction with also getting a degree you should be fine in the long run, n i get about the music having a community n that to talk to and kind of relax n just chill to lofi i used to do the same thing. The only thing is, lofi doesnt promote happiness and optimism as much(as of being generally sad peices) and it can for some kind of create an environment to be more sad to relish in the sad past/present people are in which obvouisly isnt helping them whatsoever. As long as your not sinking in the same sand of feeling more upset when listening to lofi,your fine. For me i love listening to up beat and happy music which really gets me in the mood to do something fun and productive and i think that helps a lot. Oh something ive found to be really useful recently is (for me its in a word document) to record and document what your struggling with and your goals. Write down whats stopping you from reaching your goals and whats the main cause of your probelms and slowly keep evaluating until you see a clear link between it all and think of how to rewrite your whole pattern to fix it slowly. Ive been doing this of, i used to struggle working out every day, and going for a run every day and practising piano every day but eventually i found a clear link betweem whats motivating me to do stuff thats unproductive and whats stopping me from being productive which turned out to be my mindest of what i envisioned doing the task (ie i would see playing paino boring and i could imagine mw having fun playing xbox) so i was able to fix and now everyday im improvong quitr rapidly, increasing the amount productive tasks i do a day and its worked out really well so far
Jessica Stein
Jessica Stein 17 horas atrás
@60 year old man looking for little kids You guessed right. I tried toughing it out like you said, and it was easy when I was living in the dorms at college, but quarantine ruined that and I was reverting back to severe depression living at home again. Now the plan is, as long as they aren't kicking me out, get my computer science degree and move to Seattle. Saving up in the meantime just in case. Also I'm aware music doesn't solve problems, but lofi calms my anxiety and helps me focus. Plus, finding communities like this to open up to is nice when I don't have anyone to talk to about what's really bothering me. Here, I can be honest for once.
60 year old man looking for little kids
Ok so your in a pickle aren't you missy. A forcing religious family where the religion doesn't except non-binary or bi people. I got to admit even me a straight white atheist boy would struggle being in your position. Im guessing your forced to go to mass and act as a female when you dont want to. Your also 20 so sounds like you have very little rights. Well if i was in your position, i would have option A tough it out and just do it (believe me i know how dumb religion is i went to a christian school for 6 years and it was fun to laugh at how dumb christianity is) but seems option A leads to depression. So option B is save up get ready to move out and chill(which im guessing your planning to do) i suppose option C could work, but unlikely is to convince your parents you have no interest in religion and explain deeply the premise of non binary and being bi and show how much it effects you. But if your asking me move out as you being 20, maybe you have a shot. Also dont listen to music like this it aint helping anything
Fate 2 dias atrás
Does anyone need someone to talk? If so, I’m here...
Fate Dia atrás
Mike Wazowski what seems to be the problem sir?
Mike Wazowski
Mike Wazowski Dia atrás
I need emotional support. Now. Please.
the girl
the girl 2 dias atrás
I'm so afraid to be alone with my thoughts, Its a terrifying place that makes me hate myself even more. having a mind that constantly screams at you, telling you you're not good enough is exhausting. it can take all my energy. and that's why I stay quiet sometimes. I am a writer, I know how to deal with words and I could destroy a whole friendship if I would want to and that could happen when I'm not quiet when my mind yell at me. silent people are dangerous, be aware.
je 23 horas atrás
I am in the same kind of situation. I overthink everything and I don't like it. I just try to focus on thing that makes me happy.
60 year old man looking for little kids
Stop being portentous saying you have power to end friendships easy as that, cause thats not impressive more of a defect factor, secondly you saying you have thoughts telling you are not good enough. Well the solution is simple work your way up to a state to were your good enough again
SVN Ryzami
SVN Ryzami 2 dias atrás
420k subs man nice
Ankit Dinkar
Ankit Dinkar 2 dias atrás
amazing people !!! what a community !!!!!
Hetzer 2 dias atrás
It doesn't get better, I am tired of pretending that it does
60 year old man looking for little kids
Not with that attitude, go on tell me your story
Anita Nguyen
Anita Nguyen 2 dias atrás
i'm always making my friends laugh and smile in hopes they don't feel the same emptiness as i do. i sometimes wish that i could just curl up and disappear. there's always an ache in my chest, like heartbreak but my heart's never been broken. i wish i could have someone to talk to, to call at night when i need someone, but i'm constantly reminded that i must be there for others and that they will never ever do the same for me. and maybe that's okay. maybe it's better that i stay silent. because no matter how hard i try, i can't be content. i hope that someone may reach out to me, but they never do, and they don't understand. i will carry the burden until i can't. because i have no worth to anyone. and that's okay, some people are meant to blend in with the background and be forgotten. i just sometimes wish that i wasn't me. but that's too selfish. i just needed to get this off my chest. i hope you guys are safe out there
60 year old man looking for little kids
Sounds like its your fault your in that situation in the first place. Your not beig held a gunpoint to make people happy are you, your doing cause you are chosing to do it. You say you need help, however you dont ask for it. Nothing + nothing = nothing and if you dont ask you wont recieve simple as that.
Jeserito 2 dias atrás
This makes me realize. Im not the main character. This isn’t my story. Im just a character in someone else’s grand story. The comedic relief with not much development throughout. Oh Well 🤷‍♂️ Im fine with it
Kaito Ryota
Kaito Ryota 2 dias atrás
Your skin isn’t paper, don’t cut it Your face isn’t a mask, don’t hide it Your size isn’t a book, don’t judge it Your heart isn’t a door, don’t lock it Your neck isn’t a rope, don’t hang it Your life isn’t a movie, don’t end it. You are beautiful the way you are and If you need anything, I’m here for you. If you need someone to talk to, my Instagram is I’d love to meet you💙 I love you no matter what anyone else thinks 💙
specific ocean
specific ocean 2 dias atrás
I'm a 16 guy with Aspergers, and I don't want to seem sappy but yk I just want to vent. I've always hung around ' the cool kids' or the popular ones thinking I was one of them, but yk after speculation of years of doing it I realized I was their plaything. I grew up in a pot house in Cleveland with a mom always high on something, a dad who left and had two other kids, one I'm happily in touch with and another I don't know, like a phantom that's apart of you but don't know them. Every day I walked through broken beer glass to get breakfast and I felt as though I couldn't grow up when i wasn't raised. Eventually, my mom threw her sister through wall and I moved in with my grandparents in Virginia. no one was similar, no one understood me, I'm not saying I'm unique or quirky, I'm just saying I had no one. Self-acceptance is hard, not wanting to be who you are, looking in the mirror and be disgusted at who looks back. I've come to realize I'm the only person I have, and I need to take care of him and love him. I don't have to be like my parents, I'm not Justin or Shawna, I'm my own person that I'm proud of, I'm Adrian and I'm proud of him. I don't want you to like this or anything, just keep yourself in check and remember you're enough, you matter.
Theophaniai 2 dias atrás
Calms my anxieties 😴😴😴🙏🏽🛏💙
Adrian .C
Adrian .C 2 dias atrás
I understand the vibe talk in the comments but it's ominous as hell being on a swing set in the rain while it's dark with a forest at your back with your head down, though I do suppose the light on the character comes from civilization, wouldn't be my spot to be alone
abdul haider
abdul haider 2 dias atrás
Whenever I listen to this my depression calms a little I can't tell you guys how many times no matter how fucked up life gets this vibe just brings me back for one more time for that final push.
Peter 2 dias atrás
feelin a bit sad for some reason today, but feel a lot warmer reading the comments down here and listening to this good music :)
i love u
i love u 2 dias atrás
i don't know where else to say this so i'm going to put into this beautiful comment section, where i eventually will get lost. this is a reminder for me and for you - who might be reading this - to stay alive. i've been feeling so lonely and lost lately. but keep on living is the only thing that will help in the end. because no feeling and no bad situation stays forever. it is all temporary. please remember me in this comment at least. do not give up. don't ever give up. you've got this.
Peter Mcdowell
Peter Mcdowell 3 dias atrás
That guy in the picture has drunk too much. He needs to do an effort and try to arrive home and sleep in his bed.
UBİSOFT -NERF- 3 dias atrás
im invisible nobody see me i feel alone
Zino Oromena
Zino Oromena 3 dias atrás
there're so many people around me but... why do I still feel lonely
Ivan Kompier
Ivan Kompier 3 dias atrás
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken ~Oscar Wilde
Mary Elvamir
Mary Elvamir 3 dias atrás
Fudge, I just clicked the video and read some books for about an hour, not realizing that the one's playing is a lo-fi ad of this vid. It played for about an hour before this video was played. So that's why I feel like the one I've been listening to is not about being alone. So dumb of me. This will serve as a lesson.
hey its kere!
hey its kere! 3 dias atrás
In a crowded place but still so alone 😔
Erl Benedict Viloria
Erl Benedict Viloria 3 dias atrás
Autophile. A person who loves solitude, being alone.
Evan Grace
Evan Grace 3 dias atrás
I cant stand video games anymore I just play them so I'm not lonely let's be honest we all want friends it's just the only way we know how to get them video games stopped being fun when we were kids and honestly mayby we should grow up and move on.
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
bueno todos escriben sobre lo que les pasa... y yo no tengo mucho tiempo para estar triste, pero lo estoy. no tengo amigos, nada, a nadie le importo. ah excepto a mi familia. pero eso no va a durar mucho, xq en algún momento voy a querer sair del closet. la música y algunas otras cosas como skate, algunos youtubers, libros, wattpad, etc... me salvaron la vida, pero igual así me he cortado (yo considero q ya no me corto xq en 24 días se cumple un año). pero igual siento q es inútil seguir luchando y q cuando salga de este problema me vendrá otro. no logro aceptarme a mi misma, y necesito q alguien me saque de mi casa. lo escribo en español a ver si alguien se digna a leerlo. gente encuentren algo q les guste, y lean y escuchen música... (y escuchen tøp).
Echoes of Pompeii
Echoes of Pompeii 3 dias atrás
add Instagram echoes_of_pompeii
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
stay alive frens
_kpop caysi_
_kpop caysi_ 3 dias atrás
Did you ever felt Like that.. all the Person you slowly begin to love just leave you Like you never were a reason to stay? It Just feels so cold and what stays are only these memories. I never cry, but sometimes in the middle of the night i do... because often, a beautiful melody brings up all that long faded moments you never wanted to end..
Maya B
Maya B 3 dias atrás
I like the feeling of being asleep, the blissful unawareness, but I hate the process of doing so. I can't seem to fall asleep like a normal fucking person. I like the feeling of being alone, but I hate the result of me being lonely. I feel fine when with my friends, but I'm always mentally exhausted afterwards. Like I've been putting up a front for so long it's just become me. I can't express my emotions anymore, even if I tried. Emphasis on "if". I like hanging out with my friends, but I can't seem to put myself through the effort of asking to hang out. Or even text them in general. It's as if I'm forcing myself to watch the friendship slowly deteriorate. I like praise and approval, but I hate showing the things I've worked hard on to others. It's not like I'll believe their compliments anyway. I could (and I have) spend hours upon hours on a single project, but no amount of praise will make me like it. The longer it exists, the more I hate it. Which is why I never show it in the first place. I like, no, NEED physical affection, but I hate getting hugs. Any time my friends try I hiss at them and shove them away. The one time someone actually succeeded was enough to make me launch into a full-on mental breakdown right then and there. It's like the floodgates opened and my walls broke down. Thankfully, they didn't fall all the way. But it's so weird; a simple hand on my shoulder is enough to make me nearly punch them in the face (as an INSTINCT). I was never abused, so why am I like that? Why do I have such a terrible knee-jerk reaction if it didn't come from any trauma? I like a quiet calmness, but I hate listening to my thoughts. I can't be left alone with them, but sometimes I can no longer bear the sound of the constant music I use to block them out. Sometimes I need silence, but any form of silence is dangerous. It's so suffocating, and it leaves me with my thoughts. I wish there was a way for my head to just shut up. For everything to shut up. I like doing recreational things, but I can never motivate myself to do them. And then I beat myself up for not doing them. And that just makes me more exhausted and the lack of energy still prevents me from doing anything. Then I repeat the cycle. I don't want to be alive, but I don't want to commit suicide. I just wish I never existed in the first place. I wish a different sperm hit the egg first, one that would appreciate the privileged and blessed life that I was given. Or just appreciated life in general. One that would have DONE something with this life. But instead the world got stuck with me. Look at myself, being vulnerable again. At least it's (mostly) unanimously this time. But for some reason, typing out my thoughts into a BRvid comment helped a little bit, even if I know no one will see it and provide me the comfort I so desperately need but can never accept. Oh well. I wish I had a lesson, a moral for me or any random person to take away from this. But I don't. Life still sucks, and no one can convince me otherwise. And I'm too fucking lazy to somehow try to make it better. Ha, there goes that self deprecation again. Whatever. See you in a few years, me. Or whenever I might come back to this. I hope that, at whatever time I'm rereading this, the world sucks a little bit less and is maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit good too.
Maya B
Maya B 3 dias atrás
Sofia Velardez thanks; I needed that.
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
hey you ll get better, it always does. stay strong and alive please🖤💛
Milán Pelsőczi
Milán Pelsőczi 4 dias atrás
Hey everyone. Cureently its 22:03 . I Feel nothing but alone. Im 14. In quarantine I feel myself better than in school. A year ago i confessed to a girl. She did too. She became my girlfriend. We were in love. For real. For one day. The next day a girl told to the other that we are together. Everybody laughted. On me and the girl. That girl started bullying me and my girlfriend. In Words. Not punches. Punches in the heart. My friends got away from me. And we stayed away with my girlfriend. And it was summer. I started watching anime. Every night i said: "Goodnight Princess. I'll Dream with you" and blow a Kiss away. Next year. New friend group. For the third time. The girl and I were still lovers. But cant go forward now. We got heart broken. I said I like anime. They laughted at me. I became that wierdo cartoon guy. Nobody says it but thats how they Feel. My friends gets more and more away from me again. And I cant Get my Princess happy again. Everytime i step some Where somebody stops me. I cant do anything. I never open up again. I never smile from heat. I never laugh from heart. When im walkin on a street i Feel tears coming up. Becuse i see other people. They can be mean as my classmates. Why they do this? Why is nobody that acting like a human? Thats what i ask myself everday. Thats how i Get up and go to sleep. I want to escape from here. From the place Where are bad people. I hate humans. I like so many people. Dont Get me wrong. But the 99 percet of humans i meet are bad. Not loyal, sexist, racist. If thats what mean to be a human. The i dont want to be one. Im sitting in my room. I Feel a wierd feelings again. I know what it is. The feelings that im gonna cry. But I cant. I dont cry. Cause if i cry i look weak. And if im weak the this bad people make fun of me. Laugh and kick in me. Says it was Just a joke when i jump out of a building. But im not gonna do it. Cause im better the them. Im fake smiling. Always trying to find others happines. I dont care what happens to me. I can die. But other cant. Thats what i like about anime. The characters. They arent real. But more humanic the the 99 of humans that i meet. You can laugh that i like anime but I think thats more a shame that some sketch has better feelings then you. I wrote it cause nobody want to hear my problems. I be weak for Last time. I will be the best guy who leads us to happines. I wrote this becuse one day a guy or girl who is similar to me can read it. And can cry. Let out the Pain in tears. My ghost will be with it. Shake it hands and say: Live. Cause that what we has to do. Thats what means to be a human. Cureently its 22:25 . I Feel that wierd thing again. I Feel bad about open up and share this. The others Might be sad and i dont want anybody to be sad about me. So im confused. Like Everytime. Bye. Have a nice life. And dont give up. If you cant achive happines creat it for others. And if being a human means being toxic and bad then.. We are aliens all here. Thats funny. Isnt it. Alines. Thats what we. Earth Alines. I laughted a little. And it comed from my heart. I think that was my Last not fake laugh. Thanks guys to make me this moment :) Live with love aliens.. Bye.... Forever i think..
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
hey people care about you, and you sure care about others, you are a wonderfull person and you deserve to be happy. stay strong and alive🖤💛 earth alien
I'm Han
I'm Han 4 dias atrás
People I thought as friends (we only known each other for about 2 years) care about me more than my bestfriends (we've been bestfriends for 6 years) does.. At this point, I dont even know which one is my bestfriends and which one is not.
SaiSaiSai Cantoja
SaiSaiSai Cantoja 4 dias atrás
If only I could say that "I'm not okay" whenever someone's asking me "if I'm okay". But the fact that nobody cares about what I feel or ME at all, it's just useless...
ImNoweeb IPromise
ImNoweeb IPromise 4 dias atrás
Im in quarantine like some of you guys are, these are the days when i feel like no one cares about me. Haha ik its super dumb but, i have noticed no one is talking to me. No text messages or anything. This makes me feel forgotten. I end up feeling super sad. I just feel weak and lonely.(and ik i shouldn't care about it but im a 14 year old kid. What do you expect lol) My mom noticed it and talked to me. She told me to go to the park. So i did. I went to the park with my skateboard and started to ride around with lofi music. My sadness went away. As if i washed the dirty clothes that i was wearing. Its all clean now. Skating really keeps my mind off of things. So what im trying to say is, maybe some of you guys are in quarantine and feeling lonely like i am. Maybe you guys should do what i did. Go outside to some park, some cycling place, outside your house, or go explore your backyard. I feel like being in our homes for a long time alone is like a sticky web of emotions you get stuck in. Just escape it and you will be fine. If you are reading this thank you for hearing me out. Ily 💕
ImNoweeb IPromise
ImNoweeb IPromise 3 dias atrás
@Sofia Velardez oh lol fr? My parks are closed but are only open for people to walk around :) but skating really helps :))) (btw my name is Sofia too haha 💕)
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
skating is the best🖤💛 it really helps me too... but in my city we are not allowed... its a really strict quarantine.
Katarina Szymczak
Katarina Szymczak 4 dias atrás
I'm doing research on what people think of people with schizophrenia What is your opinion of people with schizophrenia
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
i dont have an opinion because there is nothing to talk about.
Jeronimo Alejandro Vasquez Pinta
you music is veri good
Bilikcrown Ro
Bilikcrown Ro 4 dias atrás
Wow,that guy looks like me in every fkin day
ivelx _
ivelx _ 4 dias atrás
some months ago, all my friends that i had, left me for one mistake i made... I never felt like somebody of them actually liked me. I guess thats why they left me for only one mistake, the mistake wasen't that bad too... Since then i am alone for myself and my computer. I mean i never had good friends, but one of that group, only one, i really thought he liked me... when he said that they don't want to talk to me anymore, i started crying but they just laughed at me and told me that im a little bitch and pushed me on the ground. Now im scared to talk to other people because i don't want to get hurt anymore.
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
hey dont be scared, life is rough but put yourself out there and be strong and alice🖤💛 i ll be your friend if you need.
Sneaky Weasel
Sneaky Weasel 4 dias atrás
has anyone just....forgotten how to smile....
Ameni Pupi
Ameni Pupi 4 dias atrás
thank you for this. it really helped me when i had a horrible headache •U•
XavierDaAssassin 4 dias atrás
more and more I found myself wondering how truly scared I am for the direction I'm going in. I'm a current high school senior who has already gotten into a college and is going during the fall term, I even got a scholarship for my tuition. why does it feel like i've accomplished nothing? two months have passed since quarantine began and I still have not completed any of the projects I wanted to do, I feel trapped and it's almost like I'm living like a slob in this god forsaken household, my only solace was school and now that college is on its way it feels like i'll lose that place. Am i excited for college? of course I am, i'm just worried on how little I want to work or accomplish, all of my ambition, where has it gone? I want to create games for people to enjoy but I've done nothing to get towards that goal, i don't know the first thing about programming or game development, just what am I supposed to do? most of these are probably just worries that I have because I'm tired and haven't slept in 30+ hours but.. it's still something that keeps me up and I find myself refusing to sleep because of it.
Aric Lano
Aric Lano 4 dias atrás
I'm tired of being single and lonely. I just want a girl that loves me and helps me and I want to do the same to her. I don't know what to do with anything. I'm the only friend in my group thats never been in a relationship and they say I'm lucky cause girls will break your heart and she you feel sad but I don't care. I just want a caring and loving girl in my life. My whole life feels like a fucking disaster. The only thing I really accomplished was graduating high school and that's it. Sometimes I wish I could go back and be me more. I was always the silent type of guy and took a lot for me to open up. It's difficult for me to date cause most girls from what I seen want a hot guy with a lot of money and a nice car. I don't know anymore
Zoe Sparklepants
Zoe Sparklepants 4 dias atrás
The other day me and my cousin were having a nice chat and I laughed at one of her jokes. She stoped talking and looked me dead in the eyes. I asked what was the matter because I naturally thought I had screwed something up. She smiled and said, "I'm glad you have started REALLY laughing again." I almost broke down into tears. It reminded me that no matter how much you lie to yourself, you can never fool the ones who love you.
VelvetSnow 4 dias atrás
I fucked up I don't wanna be here anymore
Kamila Sanchez
Kamila Sanchez 4 dias atrás
the thumbnail reminded me of the first episode of blue exorcist💙😈
Rilay 4 dias atrás
i really just went from heathers the musical to this.
K A R M A 4 dias atrás
I just want to let go my feelings in this insomnia: I felt like this since I was 14 and I still do when I’m almost an adult (but less). When I was in middle school It was my highest peek of feeling like this to the point of being suicidal in every moment: I felt like I was a pain is the ass for my classmates of my new school, I always came back crying from school, i didn’t made “true friends” in that school, I was the shy and the quiet girl (I was only popular bc I was living next to the school and had many exotic animals), I didn’t trusted my classmates even they wanted to get closer to me, and only my history teacher understood my situation. It was like a hell and it was just the beginning, now I feel less depressed but still I’m feeling like trash next to my dear ones bc I feel the second character of a novel with any of my friends (specially one of my best friends has 7 years of friendship), and also feel like I deserve to be alone if I have a relationship because I end up hurting the other one and my pessimism drag them. In my family is different, I feel like I’m not successful next to some cousins and brothers that made great things (like one that went to study cinematography in France). And what I do to get rid of those feelings? Just escaping my reality with my own imagination and playing the piano (even I had played for 6 years I feel not talented playing it) And I don’t feel like everything is going to get better, and I had lost hope. Anyway thx you
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
hey everything will get better, it always does... stay strong and alive🖤💛
Carl SWTOR 4 dias atrás
I dont feel im depressed, i just kinda feel tired and like I dont wanna be me anymore
Tallal 4 dias atrás
The playlist for you when you play Pokemon, lol
celedonia m giron
celedonia m giron 5 dias atrás
Am I the only one who acts happy around people while inside I'm feel broken and wear a mask tomake it seem like I'm happy ? I listen to these types of songs because I dunno why but it makes me feel better 😥💔❣🎶
Anime God
Anime God 5 dias atrás
I don't know if it's a good idea to say this but this comment section seems good so I guess ill give it a try. I feel like life is a pointless game that ends with failure and tho many times I have thought about ending that game I have a feeling that it would hurt the people who are closest to me such as my family, I don't have any friends and my life practically ended years ago when I realized that anything I did from then on wouldn't leave an impact on the world at all and that if I stop existing the world would keep ongoing. I may be 16 turning 17 but life's been hard and the only reason I'm still here is that I don't want my family to cry over my selfishness. I hope I'm still here next year to support my family through these trying times but as time goes on my strength vanishes. stay safe out there I wish you all my best and thank you for reading my rambling.
Anime God
Anime God Dia atrás
@Sofia Velardez thanks for the motivation stay safe
Sofia Velardez
Sofia Velardez 3 dias atrás
hey you are just 16... be sad about not having an impact on the world when you are 60! not now! things WILL get better, trust me. stay strong and alive in this quarantine my fren🖤💛
Anime God
Anime God 5 dias atrás
sorry about bad spelling
Caroline Vera
Caroline Vera 5 dias atrás
Hello every one it's 2:50 am Thursday May 28th, 2020 in California and I'm really bored from this whole pandemic thing and I just wanted to listen to something to calm me down since my day hasn't been the best. I'm alone but I don't really mind it's actually quite nice to be alone with my thoughts and to think about life, my crush, my dog, my drawings but yeah sub to PewDiePie and have a nice day everyone I'm gonna go to bed. 😊
Yeongwoo Jung
Yeongwoo Jung 5 dias atrás
is it bad that i cease to feel any sadness or pain sometimes, then proceed to think about little details in life
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